Talk about disappointments, came home last night after
that 1-nil defeat to Chelsea and basically just sunk myself into the bed and tried hard not to touch the phone (and check twitter feeds and articles about the match)
To be honest, I found myself thinking that I really am starting to doubt United could ever come back into any game once they got behind, finally after all these transitional years. It was hard to admit that I, the now-casual fan, the ever believing in our epic comeback belief and 'standard', that as of last night I was still meditating on the positive that they'd somehow turn that deficit and finish the game with 3 points but it just went on and on that I had the dread that, yes, it is true I shall admit I would be willing to boldly say "phew, what a relief, what a lucky save from defeat" rather than the old "I knew we can do it!"
Read some articles before that Mourinho doesn't really have a good record of coming back from the (half)dead, and I suppose that is a major factor in me finally conceding that the fighting spirit isn't as it used to be, well, ditto the other 2 nincompoops before him; that's another level of frustrations (and heaps of it) then.
okay, enough football.
The previous week was a bit a of disappointment too, I was down for an extended full week of fever-cold-cough hybrid, busy as ever; but I had to postpone a couple of things to this week, thank God for the in-betweens that I was well enough for certain activities throughout the week that required certain health status, I mean, I know right. There by the grace of God, really a case of it.
But praise be to Him, I went through pretty well, and as I woke up today I feel like a million bucks and ideas aplenty for the week! Hallelujah
But since I am on here about disappointments, I was pretty messed up with them feels some time ago, I suppose 2 weeks back? Mayhap it culminated in me falling sick and didn't get in the right frame of mind to get out of it; hence being sickly for the duration, I mean, I thanked God for the time to rest and heal my hurt and really reflect upon things (or thangs, ala Rick Grimes) and even to try and practice what I preached (oh yes, I missed out on writing about my little sharing a couple of days ago! watch this space)
I was a wee bit discouraged in the sense that my designs weren't getting anywhere somehow, it kinda happened sometimes I suppose; and since it happened pretty much back to back during that period it did affected me in such a way that perhaps I ain't that good in copying styles, and thanks to my ego of thinking designs are basically re-using other styles and incorporate it in a new canvas per se, it certainly didn't help when I kinda put much thought on it and I always thought this year itself my designs has been inspirations from my many meditations with Him and it has and felt time-and-time again that it really is something fresh and somewhat attractive and I've really progressed as compared then. But you'd be sure the Devil or the devil in you would inexplicably make things a bit of a self-searching somewhat; I suppose I'd take it as I've been having little victories here and there and somehow I'd fall, when I did it for my own glory, yes? I would say this wasn't the case, and I'd take criticism well I suppose; but being human, I'd fall nevertheless eh?
Short version: went through 2 bouts where I questioned whether I am on the right path; it gave me a good wake-up call indeed. I was having a round of building castles in the sky (can't brain what was the Arabian Nights equivalent at the mo') when I was so bent on calculating what are the 'riches' (hey, RM150/job is good money right now) would be once I nailed that one gig, but alas it was disappointing indeed when I didn't receive a single reply from the potential client. Furthermore, the self-doubt kicked into effect when I ostracized myself for sharing the testimonial of my alleged triumph in creating the 6 variant designs in a day with the inspiration from the Lord; and to add salt to the wound, I received a comment on how visually stunning it is to compare the graphics done by so-and-so church and getting ideas from so-and-so mega churches from KL; and yeah, it kinda kicked this ol' dog further down the rung when I've been following these fellas and accommodating a more traditional approach recently since most of us aren't used to it when the actual is upon us (I used to copy and simplify to minimalist styles for trendier distribution; but it kinda missed the plot as I'd have to add more 'details' to clutter my designs) and so I was quite discouraged.
But then again, as I think, thank, (speak) tongue, try, trust and triumph in the Lord, this is a good opportunity as I see the light of how I should pick myself up from my own self-wrought prison. With the advent failure of getting that gig; I have a good look at the designs I made (of course there is a tingling curiosity to check their new ads from now on) and kinda realized it is another sign that I should start to continue being serious about this MSI and build my own portfolio. I mean, I know a bit of website making at the moment (and learning more hopefully with the next church project) and all in all I could even start a site without committing to a domain , as yet.
All hope isn't lost, eh? hallelujah
I thank You Lord, for this, amen!
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| Trainspotting much? |
