Hallelujah, I found courage. In what little it may be; it certainly was something for me. What transpired was I finally found
I stutter for a massive amount of years growing up; thus it made me into the introvert that I am. As a matter of fact, I'd generally list myself as an introverted extro (supposed to mean exactly that I could be extroverted if situation needs be; yet wasn't enough to grant a full -vert in the extrovert) but then again, as years gone by and by choice I suppose if I were to be choosing only 1, I've turned back onto my shell somehow.
I've been regularly helping out fortnightly at Sunshine Old Folks Home; aside from being the worst guitar player (but hey I am improving, I think) I'd also double as the photographer and subsequent graphic editor as well as the incumbent Bahasa translator (again, worse than guitar playing of course) and prayer warrior (of course)
We've been having some good results, and great feedback as we managed to save a few and there's even 4 of those from the other Home has been regularly attending the Baptist Church (arranged transport, hurray!) as they were baptized by last year's end.
As of yesterday, the minute we got there we were told of the demise of the oldest lady (she was 90-ish) a week ago; but discouragement didn't stick to us for long as soon as we finished the praise session, we managed to save 1 new member (transferred here last week)
By then, with the Lord's indication, we realized the remaining non-believer lady seemed full of vigor and enthusiasm for the songs earlier. We had been having chicken & duck conversations all these while as she didn't seem to comprehend much Bahasa in the past, and as how it panned out, when we started to talk to her, I found the chiropractor having his free time and he offered to help with translating to Tamil for the dear old lady. We decided to leave a message to Ps. Simon of Emmanuel Church for a proper Sinner's Prayer.
Praise the Lord!
The old lady, Letchumi, was there when we started these visits from Day 1, suppose she was moved as time went by; though it wasn't as smooth sailing; there were days that she'd follow along with the hand-waving (or thumbs-up) from the songs, but some days she'd be a bit reserved. She wasn't suffering from Parkinson's or anything of the sort; as it was evident she is conscious of where she was every time. (Clear case as we have another that is truly out of her wits; this Chinese madam that wasn't willing to listen to the gospel and with a gung-ho determination to ask for the time constantly and scheming for escape..albeit being absent-minded enough to pause whenever she gets the grill slid slightly)
Anyhow, the rest of the visit went by without me realizing a simple math equation...until I was compelled to share God's victory later that night.
I've continued to join all of the prayer meets for the year and this week was no different, we're on the 2nd week of our Queen Esther's Fast; and as it was inching closer to the end, Rev. Bernard opened the floor for testimonials/sharing/prayer requests. I've been contently sitting down quietly and listening as per usual; as I recalled, I must've last went up and share like years ago and that was when I was doing my bible course (I suppose) and inevitably it certainly does feel like a lifetime ago. Give or take 15 years? And most certainly I have this stutter lying deep in me (though I do think it is well suppressed as I grew
Perhaps it was Rev. Bernard that said something along the lines of you have to speak of God's glory...in order to glorify His works in you (he wasn't implying me, and no, he wasn't pushing but it was an encouragement, really!) that I felt stirred. I've had urges to share on numerous occasions since January but I chickened out; which I felt bloody guilty when I was confessing on the next quiet time, or rather I justified myself for being silent/ be it thinking that why should I go up and tell when I know the Lord has/will my thanks anyway?
But not this time.
With His guidance, I waltzed over after slightly knocking over the chair in front of me; to the front of the congregation that I am still getting to know and by then I realized I will definitely not remember important details(since I never structured one in the first place); but with a quick recollection of thoughts as Pastor Bernard introduced my background son of Pastor Tan abcdefgh1234567 that I placed my mouth and memory to dictate to God and held the mic a tad too low I think.
A personal achievement was I know I remembered to thank God as I mayhap drawled on the details of the day's victory; as we were down by one, God provided 2 souls to save! Hallelujah
I suppose this qualifies as small loves/big loves; I've been happier ever since doing these visits; especially encouraged whenever a new believer comes along. Of course there were setbacks, mostly in the case of an elderly that accepted Christ through us but before we could plan a baptism he had already departed but the family members weren't aware of our works and went ahead in arranging a non-christian funeral. But we are still learning as we go along and we're applying our shortfalls.